Our over-cluttered and over-saturated society is filled to the brim with books and articles on self help. Nowadays it’s easier than ever to pick up your phone or go to any bookstore for some advice on how to live a better life, how to be happier, how to be a millionaire, how to be more social, or how to stop giving a shit.
I’m no stranger to this. I have easily put in over 500 hours of this type of material. However, if I look back at myself before I began obsessing over all my flaws and trying to change them, I can’t honestly tell you I am better off because of it. The only place it’s really gotten me is dependent on other people’s advice.
If I’m feeling especially overwhelmed, I’ll dart to the bathroom and dig up my outlines on whatever book I read that initially inspired me to make a change. If I’m feeling creative, I’ll flock to the nearest article on immortalizing that feeling. My brain is constantly buzzing with self-help highlights to the point where I don’t really know who the fuck I am anymore.
I think it’s great to want to improve yourself. I’m sure we can agree that if more people prioritized changing their negative qualities, the world would be a nicer place. There’s another side to that coin, however. Vanity often hides in the roots of self improvement. And while we’re busy tailoring our personalities to be the essence of perfection, the world and the people around us can end up living in the background.
The key is being able to acknowledge that you are not the thing that’s going to make your life better.
Life’s greatest lessons are learned through experience. As an introvert, it’s hard to come to terms with this fact. I mean, how fantastic would it be for us if we could live a fulfilling life without having to actually live it? But the cold, hard truth is that no amount of research can prepare us for what life is going to serve. You owe it to yourself and the people around you to be you — not the version of you all the self-help books tell you to be. Even if who you are is pissed off and living in constant emotional turmoil, be yourself. The key is being able to acknowledge that you are not the thing that’s going to make your life better. Rather, what you do for and with others can make all the difference. If you stop focusing on why you are the way you are and start focusing on helping other people appreciate their existence instead, I promise you’ll start feeling less anxious/shy/pissed off/etc.
Now, before you stop reading, I am absolutely going to address the glaring issue:
This does not come easy.
No amount of work you do or have done in the past will make this a simple mission. If you’re like me and have spent much of your time self-discovering, this is going to feel impossible. Sure, the thought sounds nice. And you may get away with some inspirational kindness for a day or two, but you’ll be back to your old self soon enough. Before you even realize it you’ll be buried in your phone, reading The 10 Best Ways to Make People Feel Good About Themselves.
Take a deep breath. You don’t need help. You don’t need motivation or inspiration. You need experience. Not good at communicating with people? Don’t know what to say or do to be kind? Get your ass out there in the real world and learn. Nothing else is going to save you.
And now, before this article becomes too much of a giant contradiction, I’ll help you take the first step.
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