An interesting thing happened the other day. I was texting back and forth with my wife, going over the usual “how’s your day” stuff, when she began telling me about a recent trip to the doctor regarding some stomach issues. One thing led to another and before we realized it, we were discussing the proper home storage options for stool samples.
That’s right. Poop. We were talking about poop. Not just any poop, but her poop. The conversation was casual, matter-of-fact, and exquisitely nonchalant. And it was in this moment I felt a wave of love for this woman.
Most of us recognize those first few weeks/months of a relationship as the bliss stage. We are head over heels, dazed, and generally reduced to being at the whim of our infatuation. Don’t get me wrong, it’s quite fantastic. I remember my first few months with my wife. There were lots of smiles, laughs, and sex. LOTS of sex.
But our emotions change with the seasons. Infatuation subsides and we’re gradually introduced to the little quirks and nuances of our partner that end up evolving into irritations later down the road.
We met in the summer, moved in together in the winter, and by the following summer it felt as though we had nothing substantial left to talk about or learn about one another. You know this story.
But something interesting happens if you push through it. In time your gathered knowledge of each other adds up.
My wife knows I’m much more likely to eat the fruit she bought if she cuts it up and puts in on a plate in front of my face. And I know that my wife would rather fuck up her neck than ask me for a pillow when she’s lounging on the couch. So I bring her a pillow. We don’t have to ask each other about these things any more. They just happen.
And this is where the beauty of love lies.
Love does not tolerate the lazy, the fakers, or the impatient. If you don’t put in the work, you’ll be met with nothing of redeeming value. Please, don’t take my word for it. Chances are you know someone in your life right now that’s guilty of this very thing. And it’s quite possibly you. However, despite love’s signals to try harder, humankind is often severely stubborn in fighting it. We will go to great lengths to keep our lives as easy as possible, hoping to cheat the system and reap the rewards anyway. We will often do everything we can think of to keep a failing relationship together. Everything but the right thing.
We will fail to acknowledge that love lies in surviving the journey and growing together. Not through some stubborn sense of wanting to win, but through the knowledge that real love is rarely rainbows and unicorns. Where initial passion is primal and fleeting, this domestic manifestation of all the wonders and pains you’ve shared together is your reward for persistence. And it’s so much more fulfilling than infatuation.
However, this isn’t for everybody. As much as many of us strive to share our lives with a partner, to do so means putting yourself — all your imperfections, flaws, and personal demons — on display for someone else. I’m not the person to tell you if it’s worth it or not. That’s something you’ll have to decide on your own.
In a time where people are growing ever more desperate to grasp at something to believe in, something to fight for, I think love and all it’s challenges produces the healthiest reward. It may not be as easy as pointing fingers and waging personal wars, but should you get through it, there really is no greater happiness.
